yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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