I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
