I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
