1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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