I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
