Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
