he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
