i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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