My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
