remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let's paint friendship bongs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
