You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we're so committed to being not committed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
