Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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