why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
