how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
