he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
