dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Randomize
