I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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