i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
