well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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