when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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