Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
