I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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