PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
