You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
