I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
