Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
