I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
