so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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