He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
