from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love you. Go after that dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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