I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
