My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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