How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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