Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
3 2 1 whiskey
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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