thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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