Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There r osticjed everywhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My life is pants optional.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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