just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
