Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
