i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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