oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
