My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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