Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
