I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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