yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
