talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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