Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
