Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
