Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
