There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
