Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
