Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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