bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell me about the fingering
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