Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
