i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
