ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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