No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
