Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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