I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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