just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
