The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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