The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
