I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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