Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
