Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
