i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
