and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
