She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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