I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
