so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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