I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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