i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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