my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
