Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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