I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
