fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
