it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
