if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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