well I can't set my house on fire every night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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